Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
Welcome to YOUR life and legacy, the show where we explore how today's decisions shape the the impact we leave behind. I'm your host, Christopher Nudo. Joining me today is Alina Gonzalez Dockery, founder and principal of Life Law Planning, serving families across southwest Florida with estate planning, probate, and family law.
With 28 years of legal experience, Alina is known for creating open, compassionate conversations that help families understand their rights, their responsibilities, and the deeper meaning behind planning. She's a proud University of Florida alum, Go Gators.
And earned her juris doctorate from St. Thomas University Law.
In this first segment, we're addressing something that many families quietly struggle with, avoiding estate planning because it feels too emotional, too heavy, too uncomfortable, or let's just be honest, people don't like to face the fact that they're going to die.
Alina, like I've said this a million times every time we're together. It is an absolute pleasure to have you here with on the show as we begin.
[00:01:38] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:01:39] Speaker A: You're very welcome.
As we begin, we're going to step into the idea of estate planning, something you and I are very familiar with. And that crazy thing about how it shouldn't be fearful, it should be loving, it should be a form of stewardship, caring for the family.
And, you know, but we know because we meet with people every day, that the topic brings a lot of deep emotions and it deals with family loss and the family dynamics that come with, you know, dysfunctional families, which they're all dysfunctional. And so, you know, the feeling it's easier for them to avoid the discussion completely. So let's you and I dive in, since we do this kind of planning together and tell us, like from the beginning, like, you know, what are some of those conversations you start with people just to break the ice to get them comfortable that we're here to help.
[00:02:40] Speaker B: And by the way, it's an honor to be on the show.
And I think I was like thinking in my head, you just hit a mic drop moment. It's the families.
I think one of the biggest issues or challenges they face is not just their mortality, but I think it's also the sense of, well, I don't have enough. I don't need estate planning. One or two.
You know what, it's this thing that, oh, I can do beneficiary designations on everything. My kids will get everything.
Or let's just face it, nowadays married couples is on the lesser side of the percentage of partnerships today. And then there's not thinking. So let's go with the challenge of, at least with my clients, it's not necessarily the mortality. I think it's the lack of information that is out there. And this is why I love this show that you have. It's to get the information out there. And I think it's educating people in that they have to understand that when you die and if you do not have any type of estate plan, we're talking a basic will, you know, trust, which is a little more involved. But even with the basic will, then the state law is what dictates who and how people will get.
Who are the heirs. So I'll use one example.
I had two sisters.
The sister passed away. Sister does not have children, was not married at the time of her death.
One lived with her and took care of her through her illness, and the other one was financially taking care of her. And also she. She lived out of state and would come in and make sure. But then at one, at some point needed to take, like, over and make sure that she had the proper nursing home care and then hospice care and stuff.
So you have two sisters that basically dedicated a good portion of their lives caring for their sister and ensuring that their sister had dignity upon her passing.
Well, the sister didn't have a will.
So what ends up happening is the. The sister, you know, the heirs were her siblings. Well, several of the siblings predeceased this one sister, and we'll just call her Carrie, you know, pre. Deceased, carry. Well, then it was great aunt or great nieces and nephews that were in line to inherit. Also some nieces and nephews that never had any. Any type of relationship with the decedent, with Carrie.
So when it came down to it, we were trying to see if these nieces and nephews and grand nephews and nieces who never had a relationship with this woman would be willing to relinquish their statutory rights to an inheritance. They wouldn't.
[00:05:44] Speaker A: Right, Right.
[00:05:45] Speaker B: And they forced.
Why would they. They're going to get some money, even though it's not a lot of money, rather than, you know, and they flat out said, we don't know who these people are. We don't care. We want our inheritance. And they forced the sale of a home, which displaced one of the sisters, the one who was caring for the. For Carrie during her most, you know, need.
And the other sister who financially was caring, you know, making sure that.
That Carrie was taken care of.
[00:06:14] Speaker A: So such a perfect illustration of sticking your head in the sand, not doing any planning, and the consequences being totally what the deceased would have not wanted what Carrie would not have wanted?
[00:06:29] Speaker B: No. I mean, Carrie would have wanted to take care of the two siblings that she had a close, loving relationship with and that were there during her most vulnerable and needed time.
[00:06:42] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:06:43] Speaker B: And so if. So if Carrie had come to either you or myself and said, okay, this is what I'm dealing with. I was just diagnosed with xyz, trying not to violate any confidences, you know, but let's just say she had a cancer. You know, cancer. You know, she got diagnosed with cancer and it was progressing and she wanted to take care of her fares. Of course I would. First and foremost, let's talk about while you're living, how do you want to be cared for? Because a lot of people don't realize estate planning also can be how you are taken care of when you are in your biggest need.
[00:07:18] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:07:19] Speaker B: And then, okay, who do you wish your legacy, your assets to go to? Is it to these unknown relatives who have never met you or don't care?
[00:07:32] Speaker A: Right.
[00:07:33] Speaker B: Or how about in another circumstance? What if there are no relatives that care for you, but you have a group of friends that are loving and caring and have been with you for all the treatments and by your bedside and such?
You know, sometimes it's not the family you're born into, but it's the family you create?
[00:07:51] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:07:53] Speaker B: So these are the things I talk to them about, but I always reassure my clients or my prospective clients, this is your design, this is your wishes. This is where you get to control all the parameters. And you don't allow, you know, the statues to take over. You can determine who and how and what people get.
[00:08:13] Speaker A: Right. And it always blows people's mind when I look at them and I say, you know what I mean? God has given me black ink and white paper, and literally from that, we can craft whatever your hearts desire when you pass away. And so, you know, tell me what is important to you. Tell me how you'd like to see this go down. Tell me your concerns and let me figure out how to address those concerns. You know, that's where some of the greatest planning comes up, because, you know, you're not limited by. Oh, well, the statute says we have to do it this way.
If you plan properly, we can craft it, however, is best for them.
[00:09:04] Speaker B: Well, and also. Well, you said there's dysfunctional families.
Yes, all of them. We all have our issues and challenges and know some families rise to the occasion. It doesn't matter what personal squabbles they are. They're loving, they're supportive and it's easy peasy, and that's great.
But there are times where it's not right.
You know, I had a contested probate. I mean, this was a vitriolic contested probate where the decedent, who had no relationship with his father, they had not spoken to each other in over 40 years.
40.
[00:09:46] Speaker A: 40. 40 years.
[00:09:47] Speaker B: 4,04 decades.
And he had a long term domestic partner, his girlfriend. They, they lived together, they cohabitated together. They were together for 25 years.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: Oh, not insignificant. Very significant.
[00:10:04] Speaker B: Actually, extremely significant.
So now the reason why it was contested was he, he despised attorneys. He didn't trust attorneys. He wasn't going to do well one day he was at a bar.
[00:10:17] Speaker A: Isn't that the way every story starts?
[00:10:19] Speaker B: Every story starts. You know, one afternoon he met up with a couple of his friends at a bar.
[00:10:25] Speaker A: At a bar.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: You know, and they were talking and he was like, you know what? I think I need a will.
You know, and that's how he did it. So of course, one of his friends was like, hey, I have a great attorney. I just did all my est. And he was like, no. And he used, you know, expletives of what his beliefs were of attorneys. And I know this because we had to depose these people. Oh, boy. But, you know, they were like. So the guy was like, well, let's go back to my house. I know you need to write it out and I know you need two witnesses, so I'll help you type it up.
[00:10:59] Speaker A: Dyi.
[00:11:01] Speaker B: Yeah. So they did. And it was basic. As basic. Of course, it doesn't have the terminology, but the guy knew that he had to have two witnesses. So it was himself and this other friend. They went.
Now, good news was they weren't, you know, it was in the beginning of their daily happy hour and not at the end, but, you know, they did a basic one. Well, the dad contested that.
[00:11:26] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:11:27] Speaker B: Because the, you know, this gentleman had significant amount of assets.
[00:11:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:32] Speaker B: Now, you know, and the dad wanted to strip the girlfriend of any rights to any of those assets because she was taken care of in that. In his.
[00:11:43] Speaker A: Yeah. In his DYI will that he put together.
[00:11:45] Speaker B: Well. Right.
And, you know, if he had put aside his prejudices against an attorney or shopped around for an attorney that he actually liked and got, you know, and.
[00:11:56] Speaker A: Could develop a relationship with, perhaps.
[00:11:59] Speaker B: Yeah. Then he could have done this where it would have avoided, first of all, the amount of legal fees and costs because we were litigating this and we had to get a curator involved.
[00:12:10] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.
[00:12:11] Speaker B: So we had to have a curator appointed. We had depositions, we had litigation, we had, then we had a 12 hour mediation.
[00:12:20] Speaker A: Boy, I'll tell you, just, just explaining what you went through with the contested estate, you know, probably by 100 times exceeded the cost of. If he would have just taken the time and done the proper planning, it's it.
The contest may have still come, but it would have been shut down so much faster because the appropriate billing, not planning, excuse me, would have been done up front.
Let's continue this conversation when we come back.
So when we come back, we're going to talk about how planning protects loved ones when life doesn't go as expected and why waiting for the right time often never comes. Or if it comes, it comes at a cost. I feel like we just had that conversation, but we'll dive more into it.
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Welcome back to your life and legacy. I'm Christopher Nudo and we're continuing our conversation with Alina. In this segment, we're focusing on how thoughtful planning protects loved ones when life takes unexpected return, unexpected turns. The problem facing many in the audience, Alina, is assuming there will always be time to plan, which is just laughable for those of us that get the phone calls of, oh my gosh, he didn't wake up last night or we just had a stroke or and I don't mean to make light of it, but it's just so often that people procrastinate these things. So, you know, you and I talk about these things over and over and over again. But I'm going to ask you, why do you think people really delay? What are, what are those things that people just have stuck in their craw that they won't let out and they just won't get to an attorney and get it done.
[00:15:31] Speaker B: Oh, let's see. First is attorneys are too expensive, right? I think that's number one. And you. And I'm not talking about people who are maybe lower middle class or middle class. I mean it seems to be across the board. Across the board. Two, I don't need one. I don't have many assets. It's going to go to my kids or go to my spouse or what have you, or it's just, you know, total avoidance. It's, oh, if I sign that paper, that means I'm signing my death warrant. I mean, it's.
[00:16:06] Speaker A: People actually think that.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: But people think that. I've had people tell me that, yeah.
[00:16:11] Speaker A: If I sign this, that means I'm going to die. And they do that with life insurance. They do that with any kind of what would be appropriate planning.
[00:16:22] Speaker B: And look, I, I tried to explain to people and I try to be very, you know, compassionate and compassionate. Thank you. That's the word. Because it's not empathetic. It's more compassion.
In that I can understand, especially if you had a health scare, that you're thinking, well, if I give in and I do estate planning, that means I'm giving into my mortality, illness or whatever. And in that. And I can, I can appreciate that because of course, especially in, nowadays, in, in probably the past 20 years mindset, we've all seen it. We've seen the, the rise of books. It's like, you know, you got to overcome your fears and stuff. But there's also a bigger question, is what happens to your family if something happens to you unexpectedly and you did not do the planning?
[00:17:12] Speaker A: Right. That's the question.
[00:17:14] Speaker B: That's the bigger question. And that should be what keeps people up at night? Because if I were to die, Tom, and you never know, I just had a friend of mine a few months ago at 57, never wake up.
[00:17:26] Speaker A: Oh, I'm so sorry.
[00:17:27] Speaker B: Yeah. And I mean, she's not, I mean, she was young, you know, my friends had saw her the day before and it was just literally by that. So those are the things when you hear about, oh, oh, that won't happen to me. You never know.
But what happens to your kids? What happens when. With your domestic partner that you love and cherish but you didn't marry? So legally they have no rights by law.
[00:17:56] Speaker A: Let's back that up for a moment because that's a really important point. And that was part of our illustration in the last segment.
Explain the, the, the difference, the rights people have. And obviously this is state by state, but Florida and Illinois being the same in that domestic partners don't have the same rights as spouses. Explain that to our audience.
[00:18:19] Speaker B: We have no, okay, I'll use my own circumstances. So I live with my boyfriend. We are not married.
Yeah. And I actually explained this to, you know, and he knows, he's a financial advisor. He's in the game as well.
But I look at him going, you know, I don't have any, any protections if you don't. You know, if it weren't for his estate planning, and we both been talking about it because we both need to adjust our estate plan documents.
But it's one of those things that in Florida, we do not have common law marriage. I don't believe Illinois has it. I think, I think there's only like six, maybe less states that actually still recognize common law. And I think that's like the Dakotas, things like that. So when people have this misguided sense, and I've heard bankers tell people this, you don't have to worry. You have a common law marriage.
[00:19:15] Speaker A: You.
[00:19:15] Speaker B: There is no common law marriage. Just because you live with someone 6, 10, 20, 30, 30 years does not mean that you are the spouse under the eyes of the law. The eyes of the law are clear. If you do not have a marriage certificate, that's it.
[00:19:33] Speaker A: You're not married, you're not married. And if you're not married, you don't have all the rights and privileges that come with being married, which include the right to inherit under the probate statute.
[00:19:45] Speaker B: Exactly. You don't have the right to claim a homestead, you know, a life estate interest in the homestead property, so you can maintain your home that you probably built together, but it was in the name of the decedent only. You don't have the right to claim a family allowance, which is a stipend of money that is usually the equivalent of. Well, not nowadays maybe, but, you know, equivalent to a used car.
And also an elected share. You don't have the right to a percentage of the assets.
I had this just recently, a poor woman, I mean, she and her. What she. She calls him his husband. Her husband.
They were together 28 years. Living together 28 years, and they never got married. He died, and he died without a will and all of the property, everything was his in his name.
[00:20:35] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh, what a tragedy. She got nothing. She ended up doing nothing.
[00:20:40] Speaker B: And her daughters evicted her and his daughters evicted her from the house.
[00:20:46] Speaker A: So, you know, oh, my goodness, that is such a tragic story. Yes. And unfortunately, that story plays every single day somewhere in our country.
And, you know, it's further confirmation that planning is so important. Yet you and I know from our experience that greater than 70% of our population never does any planning.
You know, so it's just this really thin margin of folks who whether. Either. Because they're planners. They get their plan done. Or because they. Their parents led by example. I mean, there are, you know, why don't you explain to our audience all the different motivators we've talked about why people don't. Let's talk about what. Let's, let's. Let's flip the coin over why. You know, what are the reasons you hear that people do come in that might motivate some of our viewers and be like, oh, I'm one of them. I should do that.
[00:21:51] Speaker B: Parents.
[00:21:52] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:21:52] Speaker B: Number one, my parents had a trust. I know I need a trust. My parents had one. They set it up. They always stated that you need that.
[00:22:01] Speaker A: Great.
[00:22:01] Speaker B: And that is a great tool. I love trust. But there's so many reasons besides avoiding probate, which, at least in Florida, you still want to do a small one just to shrink up the creditor, period.
But it's also a tool to allow you to take care of you.
I started estate planning with the focus on the blended family because I'm a divorce attorney as well for 30 years.
So I saw that there was a need.
And the best thing about estate planning and is you get to secure what you have with your partner, with your new family, whether you're remarried or something. But you also ensured that your children are taken care of.
So the parents are a big motivator. Also shows like this, yes, they hear about it, or they hear the horror story of what happens when someone doesn't plan.
[00:22:58] Speaker A: Right.
[00:22:59] Speaker B: Another one is that, you know, sometimes it could be that health scare. I just had a massive heart attack, or a friend of mine didn't wake up one day, and they were young. And it made me realize, oh, my God, what would happen to my children? How will I take care of my kids, you know, and things. And I think that's a motivator also. What I'm realizing, too, is the younger generations are more apt to plan than people in my generation.
[00:23:28] Speaker A: And I've seen that a lot. And I think we're the same generation. And so what I see is we are the 30, 40 percentile planners. So the majority of our peers do not plan, but a decent amount do the generation before us. So our parents, let's go there.
Did even less planning.
And so that's why I think our generation does more planning, although the percentage is, you know, and then the generations younger than us are just seeing the mistakes of the older generations and saying, you know what? We need to stop this progression and we need to do more. We need to cure the failings of the generations that went before us. Now, obviously we started this segment with the fact that the parents who do plan set really good examples for their family. But I also see my children who are in their 20s saying, yeah, you know what? I'm not going to make the same mistakes my parents did. And God loved them for recognizing the mistakes and wanting to do something different.
[00:24:46] Speaker B: Well, I'll get the generation this like your children who are in the 20s. But also, I mean, as much as we can all debate the ills of social media and having everything available to us. Absolutely.
[00:24:59] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:24:59] Speaker B: One of the greatest thing too is, is you have access to so much information.
[00:25:04] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:25:05] Speaker B: So nowadays you can go on ChatGPT, you can go on Google, you can do whatever. And you could say, what are the benefits? Pros and cons of need, an estate planning document. But also, I think kids and I mean, I'll talk about like my stepson, he's in his 30s and stuff and yes, his parents and his grandparents have taken care of this and so he has a good thing. Or even my nieces and nephews, they see their grandparents all have their trust and such and taking care of it. But they're also looking at like, we travel, we have, you know, they're different and they're different, they travel a lot. They need to make sure that their assets and if anything should happen to them. One of the things I did as, and it's, you know, you could tell their aunt is a lawyer.
When my, my sister's kids went off to college and they're 18, I was like, you know, congratulations, by the way. Here's power of attorney. It's a durable health care surrogate form. Here's a living will.
You need to make sure because sign these, sign these. Because one thing is, is that just because you're a parent, once your kid turns 18, you don't get access to the doctors. You do not make decisions.
But I really think that's one of the benefits of the maybe, you know, let's just say Gen Gen Z's. And I think now, you know, the Gen Z's, they got a better understanding. But also you get to see commercials and stuff.
[00:26:32] Speaker A: Right.
[00:26:33] Speaker B: So one of the other, I think.
[00:26:36] Speaker A: I wanted to change your direction really quick. You know, I. The blended family, which you have so much experience in and you know, with better than 50 to 60% of our world being blended families, just dive into the, you know, surface level, obviously, because we only have a few minutes left. But the complexities and the concerns of.
[00:27:00] Speaker B: The blended family, first and foremost, if you're in a blunt. I'm a blended family.
Okay. And if you're a blended family, and let's say that you guys are engaged, but you never get married, you. You live together, you're raising children together, support children, each other, buying assets together, estate planning tools are the best avenue for you to ensure not only that you have stability in the household. And that what that means is that you are literally taking care of each other, but upon one of your passing, that you're still taking care of that person you love and you're creating a life with and you have a life with, but that you're also making sure that everything that you have built up to will also benefit your children.
[00:27:47] Speaker A: Right.
[00:27:47] Speaker B: And I. And this goes with whether your domestic partners and I really wish we could come up with a better term than that, you know, but you're living better.
[00:27:56] Speaker A: Than my boyfriend, girlfriend, so.
[00:27:59] Speaker B: Well, it's better. Or the non traditional couple, which is actually more.
[00:28:03] Speaker A: That's worse.
[00:28:04] Speaker B: It's common.
But even, let's say you're remarried and this is your second marriage or your third marriage, you, you know, let's just say, for instance, you get remarried, you have children from your prior marriage, and you decide to do one of those simple wills that says if I die before my husband, he gets everything. If my husband dies before me, I get everything. Well, what's to make? Who knows what happens?
And let's just say husband dies, wife gets everything.
Who's going to guarantee that your kids are going to receive any benefit of everything that you left the wife?
[00:28:41] Speaker A: They're probably not actually. They're just. Everything's going to go to the wife's kids.
[00:28:45] Speaker B: Right. So unless she dies, everything goes to her kids. You think the kids are going to, you know, unless they are really, really close, like Brady Bunch.
[00:28:53] Speaker A: I was just going to say, unless they're the Brady Bunch in there, I'm sure even Marc not going to get something.
[00:28:59] Speaker B: Yeah. So there's no guarantee. But one of the greatest things you could do with just a simple trust is to say, okay, if anything should happen, and I want to make sure that my partner, who I love very much, is taken care of and she receives this stipend. She stays in the house upon her death. When we sell the house, then it gets. This is how we're divvying it up.
[00:29:25] Speaker A: Right.
[00:29:25] Speaker B: But it ensures that stepchildren and children alike get their fair share.
Yeah.
[00:29:33] Speaker A: So, Alina, for all those viewers who are sitting there going, oh, I need to have an Alina in my life. How can they connect with you and learn more about your practice?
[00:29:47] Speaker B: Oh, I love that. Everybody should have a Nalina in their life. Everybody, of course. No, they can reach me. Well, one of the easiest ways is go to my website, life lawplanning.com and in there you can send me an email, an inquiries email, but you can also schedule and those are for those individuals who have, who are Florida residents. I am admitted into the bar in Florida.
They can even set up a 15 minute telephone call with me so we can start exploring your needs, exploring what are your inhibitions or frustrations with the process and then see if one, we're a good fit and two, get you into the office, whether it's physically in the office or via Zoom. Another way is you can call me at 239-789-2533. I have great paralegals who love working with our clients.
But even more, I love this aspect. I love helping people realize what their legacies are, which does go beyond the assets and what their values are and how that they can pass that along to those that they truly love and want to benefit.
[00:30:58] Speaker A: I love that. I love that every minute of it. Listen up. Next, we're going to explore how legacy is about more than money, it's more than documents, and how families can intentionally pass on values, faith and purpose. Stay right with us.
Welcome back to YOUR LIFE and legacy. As we continue with Alina, we're shifting the conversation from finances alone to something deeper, how families pass on faith, value and purpose alongside assets.
The problem facing many in the audience is believing that legacy is only about money. And it often feels unclear how to pass down beliefs, characters and family vision. This segment highlights how an estate plan, how estate planning can intentionally preserve values and shape future generations. And Alina, this segment was made for you because I know you and know your history and your culture and your story and your aunts and your uncles as they all migrated from Cuba here to the United States and that deep rooted past that they carried forward and indoctrinated into you and your siblings, you know, share from a personal standpoint, there's just how your family and the earlier generations have built who you are today and how those legacies are continuing to move forward through your family.
[00:33:07] Speaker B: Oh, thank you, Chris.
Anyone who knows me knows I always say, and I'm, I get a little verklumped, you know, talk about it. But so I am blessed. I am blessed because my parents are the embodiment of the American dream.
They escaped, you know, Fidel Castro, the feet. And. And when I say they escaped, they were able to escape and come to the US with nothing in their pockets, three changes of clothes and a baby on the hip, and that was it.
And to hear my dad share the stories of when they first came to Miami and how he would go and walk miles or worry about, you know, paying for a bus ride to go to the parking lots where they would pick day laborers so he could pick up some money, it really is humbling, but also his deep love and passion, as well as my mother's, for this country and what it had provided, because thankfully, he was able to create a life. He was able to get a job as an engineer. He was able to.
To create a company. And as he put it, never in his wildest dreams would he have reached the levels of success or money that he has been able to do. And it was only in this country.
So that is my first. That's a legacy that he has passed on to me and my siblings, but also he is passing on to his grandchildren. And now we're having great grandchildren come in.
So one of the things that my sister, my brother and I really try to do is, is. Is record, even take our phones out, audio record, whenever he starts telling us a story so that we can pass that on to the following generations, because it's so important.
[00:35:00] Speaker A: It's brilliant.
[00:35:02] Speaker B: And it is. Because here's the thing is, and it's kind of interesting, like, last year I kind of went down the rabbit hole of going, well, you know what? I want to know more about my father's side of the family, because we really didn't know, like, even, you know, like, my grandfather was 14 years old when he left Spain to Cuba. And this was when Cuba was still part of the empire, the Spanish empire.
But it went there to, to work and make a life. And he went with no money, you know, maybe some education, and then he was able to. To create a bodega, a small market, if you will. You know, so it's interesting that those family dynamics. Well, it's so important to me, and I know many people, and this is why you had those heritage dot coms. And such is the story of our ancestry, the story of our families, the story of struggle and, and, and, and, you know, celebrations of the victories that they had shape us for generations to come.
[00:36:08] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:36:08] Speaker B: And I love hearing the stories of my clients.
I mean, I have clients that escaped Communist Poland. You know, I have clients that they can trace back their. Their lineage to, to the revolutionary days of America. I mean, how amazing is this? And isn't it great that we are able to not only pass on the history of our families that shape us, but also the values.
[00:36:35] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:36:36] Speaker B: And I think, and you know, your faith, I think faith is so important.
I believe in, you know, and I'm not going to prescribe to anybody should be of one faith. But, you know, that, that spirituality that. That shapes our morals is so important to pass on as well. But it also gives shape to how people handle crises, because we do deal with crises.
[00:37:03] Speaker A: They do all of these things. I mean, you couldn't have scripted it better.
The tools that you've just outlined for values, faith and family vision and the why behind it all, really, it sculpts each generation. And as you articulated from your parents, who are for sure the embodiment of the American dream, these are all of the family core elements that really shape future generations. And it's a privilege that you have. And I have to then take that, listen to it, hear it, understand it, and help them in their documentation, in their planning, curate it in such a way that then we can help preserve it.
[00:38:01] Speaker B: Absolutely. And I think that's part of the legacy planning.
It goes beyond who gets what. It's, you know, I find, and I always tell people like, you know, the memory, you know, that you had, the sheet where you can list out which, you know, say, what artwork or piece of jewelry goes to an individual.
[00:38:22] Speaker A: Right.
[00:38:24] Speaker B: Sometimes those aren't the most valuable of items, of personal, tangible items, but there's something linked to it.
[00:38:32] Speaker A: Right. When you say valuable, it's not the most. It doesn't have the most monetary value, but its sentimental value or its story behind it is far exceeds anything it's actually worth.
[00:38:46] Speaker B: Absolutely. And I think that's one of the things as to be able to have that.
That forum, if you will. So if, you know, and I tell my clients all the time, grab your phone. If you want to come to my conference room, come to my conference room. I'll set up the ring light and we have, you know, the stands for your phone and leave. What you want your children and your grandchildren and now great grandchildren. I mean, like, my parents are 90 and 93, soon to be 94.
My partner's father's about to turn 100.
[00:39:21] Speaker A: Holy cow.
[00:39:22] Speaker B: You know, there's a lot of history there and values and. And we want to hear it like, like Jim's dad, George. I mean, he was in. I mean, he lost a brother in World War II. He was at World War II. But also to hear that his great. His grandparents. So my partner's great grandparents were actually fled Ukraine when. Remember, the Bolsheviks were pushing out the Jews back then. The fiddler on the roof, that was his family. I'm like, how amazing is that? To learn and to remember and.
And to hear about how they overcame that. And it's. It's some of the values that I really, I think, cherish the most.
[00:40:06] Speaker A: Yeah. And the storytelling that you're emphasizing here, I think is absolutely brilliant. I'm so glad you're sharing with it with the audience again. Every time you're on the show, you just leave pearls of wisdom everywhere.
I think it's important that people.
[00:40:28] Speaker B: Act.
[00:40:29] Speaker A: Just like they're supposed to act on, getting their estate plan done as early as possible. They should start telling these stories as early as possible because you don't want to wait till the memory starting to fade to where you can't articulate the way you could when you were younger, when all of a sudden you wake up and what was yesterday is not today. And so these are not things to procrastinate. They're things to actually act upon, much like our emphasis on acting, on getting just your basic planning in place.
[00:41:08] Speaker B: I agree. I mean, it's so. My mother has dementia. She's more advanced now.
And I mean, it's like one of the things we do is we'll pull out the old photos. And it was actually very cool experience for me because there were some photos I had never seen from Cuba.
[00:41:25] Speaker A: Oh, wow.
[00:41:26] Speaker B: I think one of the cousins sent them to my dad because she was saying she couldn't remember their wedding. They. She couldn't remember aspects of her life. So we started going through and. And she was able to connect to it. But then I was hearing stories about relatives that I never heard before or saw things like my dad on a stage in Havana, talking in front of a group of people and stuff. So now I know where my public speaking comes from, you know, but it was like such an. It is such a deep dive into a different world.
[00:42:00] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:42:01] Speaker B: But it's something now that I will cherish.
[00:42:03] Speaker A: And you captured it. You captured those stories from your dad.
[00:42:07] Speaker B: I tried as best as I could, and of course, I had my. I called like. Like, I was the only one visiting at that time. My sister was out of state. My brother lives out of state. So I had them on the phone. I'm like, okay, someone. I'm like. Because I was taking pictures of the photos, too.
[00:42:23] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:42:23] Speaker B: And trying to share them, but. But, yeah, I Mean, I think there's. And I know that there's a book that's going around that people can buy and I know because I've had friends of mine give it to their parents and it's, you know, dad, tell me your story. And it's, it's just a book like a guided journal kind of.
[00:42:42] Speaker A: And my wife bought one of those for her mom to go ahead and do it. And I love, love my mother in law to death and the cellophane still wrapped around that stinking book. I'm like, I need to figure out how to motivate this woman to start filling out that book. Or like, so it might be a video thing where I don't tell her that I'm recording but like I just try and dig into her head and extract those nuggets that you know will be valuable to the generations coming up. And like you have said so eloquently, just that is legacy. That is the continuing legacy. It is her legacy and how we want to preserve it going forward.
[00:43:30] Speaker B: It. Absolutely. And so I crack up because when you shared that is still a selfie because I think my sister or one of her kids, one of her daughters got one for my dad.
[00:43:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:43:40] Speaker B: And it's there, it's on his book. He looks at it and I'm like papi. And he goes, well first.
No, it was credit his writing.
[00:43:50] Speaker A: Well, right, right, right, right.
[00:43:52] Speaker B: We couldn't get it. So one of the things I was thinking and what I. And I think it would be more, it would be more welcomed if it came from the granddaughters because you know, they're depressed.
[00:44:04] Speaker A: Right.
[00:44:04] Speaker B: Like I was like, guys, they're like, well he's not writing. And I'm like, well why don't you go there, record it with him. Yes, your phone to record.
Not just on him, on you both get the book, start asking the questions. You're going to have follow up questions based on that and it's going to go into a deeper dive. And he'll probably have the box of pictures that by your side because he could probably rummage through it because my father, thankfully at almost 94 has an amazing memory intact. But in he's able to even give us a lot of history on my mother's family as well because they grew up together. They're, you know, they were part, they were from the same little town.
[00:44:46] Speaker A: Same community. Right, Same community.
[00:44:48] Speaker B: So he does that. So that's where I was like, take that book and start reading it. That's a video log, you know, some People aren't writers, you know, Even for myself, I much prefer the video.
[00:45:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:04] Speaker B: Than writing, which in there's nothing wrong with that. But I actually think that's even a better touch. And I always suggest it to my clients because it gives them an opportunity to have a bond that's shared through their storytelling, their history with their grandchildren.
[00:45:25] Speaker A: So let's save all this precious nuggets for our last segment. And coming up, we'll close with how clear, thoughtful planning brings peace of mind and why that peace may be the greatest legacy of all.
Welcome back to your life and legacy.
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Welcome back to YOUR life and legacy. As we close today's episode with Alina, we're focused on peace of mind, what it truly means to plan with clarity, faith and confidence, even when the future feels uncertain.
The problem facing many in the audience is anxiety about the future, and it often feels like no plan will ever complete or be good enough. This final segment shows how structured clarity and faith, informed planning replaces fear with lasting peace. Well, I know, Alina, this is a very easy topic for you and I to unpack it. You know, anytime you can put a thoughtful plan in place that covers the emotional baggage that comes with every family, the family's going to come out better on the other side.
Share with our audience just how you come alongside families and really not coddle, but ensure that you have their best interest at heart and that you're going to address these concerns.
[00:48:18] Speaker B: I think the first and foremost, and I'm sure you do this, Chris, because you're so approachable as well as you sit down and you get to know the client, you get to know what are their priorities, whether it's a couple or an individual. What are your priorities? What are your likes? What are your dislikes? I mean, I think that's the first and foremost is like it's not just fill out this form and we do what you do. You really need to find it because that's the whole estate plan process. It's your design, it's your desires, it's how you Wish for your family to continue on, whether it's a family by blood or family by choice that you made.
[00:48:57] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:48:59] Speaker B: And I think also what peace of mind is, is having that plan. So your parent. I always go back to my father in law. He died many years ago. But when he passed and it was, it was very unexpected at that time, even though he had been sick with other ailments.
But the manner in which he passed and how quickly, that was the shock.
But you know what he did, he left us instructions on every single aspect of his funeral.
[00:49:35] Speaker A: Powerful because I've been there, I trying to plan a funeral and a pastor or priest or whomever who's officiating looks at you and says so what music would you like? And you're like, huh.
And if he went through the trouble of putting that together, that's so comforting.
[00:49:56] Speaker B: And it was, I mean, and I love Ken for this and I, and I, I use Ken, that's my father in law as an example. Because what he did was. Because in the timing of his death it was very unexpected. He had a massive heart attack. They were actually on vacation.
[00:50:15] Speaker A: Oh my God.
[00:50:16] Speaker B: So it was a shock to the family. We had to get my mother in law back. We had, you know, and then making the arrangements for, you know, the transporting of his body but to ensure that she was taken care of.
So when we finally got his paperwork and he was. And one of the things was to be opened upon my passing my funeral.
It literally had everything from the readings of scripture, what pastor he wanted, the songs. I mean he put a lot of thought into it. The flowers. Because he was a, he was a retired Air Force veteran of, of Vietnam and Korea. How he wanted flowers and. But he took the time to literally even say I want my daughter, who is the shyest of the three siblings to you to do a. You.
[00:51:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:51:05] Speaker B: You know, he. So what, what was really a shocking and jarring moment. He made it us the ability to go in it with ease. So then like my, my Vince at that time, my sister in law was able to, to focus on her mother.
[00:51:22] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:51:24] Speaker B: Myself and my husband at that time, it was literally like he just looked at me, he goes, okay, let's do this together. And he, and he just looked at me goes honey, do you mind taking care of certain things? And I would grab my sister and like, like, let's go see. I'm like, you want to do the flowers with me? You know. But we had, it was no question of. There was no fighting. Oh, she wouldn't like that he wouldn't like this. He went, no, we just had literally a plan.
[00:51:50] Speaker A: And that we see this over and over and over again. That planning is.
I equate it to a love language, you know, because you are taking the burdens of the people who have survived you. And they are burdened. They're burdened from the loss, they're burdened from the transition. They're burdened from what now is going to be the new reality because you're not there anymore. That all of this in one big ugly package. And because you've done the planning piece, you have given, you've taken the stress away. And it doesn't take all the stress away, but it takes away the stress of that moment. For those items.
[00:52:49] Speaker B: For me, you know what it allowed?
It allowed the family to come together, grieve the loss, but also celebrate the life that he was, he was, he was a force of life.
But it really allowed us to focus on what was most important and that was getting my mother in law through what was a very traumatic experience and also to ensure that she was good.
But it also allowed all the family members because we had a lot of people coming in from around the country.
[00:53:29] Speaker A: Well, sure, he was young when he passed.
[00:53:32] Speaker B: Well, he was, yeah, he was in his younger days. I mean, he had some ailments, but not like, I mean, it was kind of, I think he was. They just celebrated their 50th. Oh, he was 70. So he was young at the time.
And the thing was, is he had been, he's had significant health issues for some time.
However, even though we all kind of knew. Okay. Because anytime we went to the hospital, it's like, is this it? No. Okay.
But it really, he just took all the guesswork out of it. He took out the, the second guessing. He, he, he gave us a roadmap of exactly what he wanted.
And it really just allowed us to focus on each other. And I think that was the greatest gift he gave because of his planning, because of his foresight and saying, you know what? I'm going to take this burden off of my wife. I'm going to take this burden off of my children. And he even put in the note, he knew who was going to take over and it would be me and my husband on the planning, because we were both kind of that type. Right, right.
But it allowed us all to just really, it was just like we just handed out the instructions to the individuals, defenders and who we needed. And from that moment on, it was all about family and remembrance and bonding and laughter and yes, tears. But that was the greatest gift his plan gave to us.
[00:55:04] Speaker A: I have this, I just was having these thoughts as you were concluding your thought that, you know, what we've covered here in the last 45 minutes, truly every family should listen to because we have had the privilege, you and I, to unpack what every family has to deal with. And we've given them really practical, you've given really practical application to, you know, we haven't used legal jargon. We haven't talked about, you know, fancy documents that cost a lot of money. We've talked about how to care for the family and why planning is so important for those we leave behind.
[00:55:49] Speaker B: Well, and that's what's the most important thing. It's the family. It's about the individual.
And like I said, it can be the family that you're born into or that you have birthed yourself, or it could be the family that you create. You know, but the what it is, it's about love. And that's what estate planning is. It's a love for yourself because you can ensure that you're taken care of in the manner and you have the people surrounding you that you trust to do what you would want to do if you become too ill to make decisions on your own part. But it's also an act of love for those, for your loved ones, for your family members. So that it ensures that not only your wealth or your legacy of assets goes to who it wants, but it's also how you wish to be remembered and how you wish to take care of those that will be there for you.
[00:56:41] Speaker A: Brilliant. And remind people again your website and how they can connect with you. Alina, thank you.
[00:56:48] Speaker B: They can re, they can go to my website, lifelawplanning.com there is an inquiries button. You can send me an email or you can set up a 15 minute telephone conference with me straight from my website and my telephone number, which is also at the website, 239-789-2533. You can call me, you can schedule a conference whether it's zoom or in person so we can talk about what best suits your needs. Because this is what it's about.
[00:57:17] Speaker A: That's right. Thank you Alina, for sharing your wisdom, compassion and clarity. Today we've talked about moving past avoidance, protecting loved ones, passing on values, finding peace through thoughtful planning.
Listen, if you're watching and feeling hesitant, remember, legacy isn't built in a moment of crisis. It's built through intentional, faith filled decisions made today. I'm Christopher Nudo. And this has Been youn Life and Legacy. Until next time. Live intentionally and leave a legacy worth remembering.
